Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.
You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.
You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.
You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn.
You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.
You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.
You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.
So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”
Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”
Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)
And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name – again and again and again – for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”
Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]
Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.
“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”
[-Inspired by this post by @accio-shitpost-]
I wanna read more about Phil and his boyfriend Cassius Warrington.
OK, but I read the part about entering your pets and all I can think about is the name ‘Trevor Longbottom’ coming out of the cup and the teachers are all confused because “did we somehow miss or forget that Neville has an older brother? Did Frank and Alice have a secret hidden love child during their Hogwarts years?” Meanwhile, half the Gryffindors are groaning and face palming because who doesn’t know about Trevor ‘constantly lost but probably actually trying to escape this insane asylum of a school’ Longbottom? and poor little nervous Neville, who certainly had nothing to do with Trevor’s name being entered, slowly makes his way too the front of the room and Dumbledore just looks at him curiously and Neville gulps and extends his hands, which Trevor is sitting in and as realisation dawns on the various professor’s faces, everyone collectively looses their shit.
I’m laughing so hard. Also also just imagine Errol’s name coming out. Oh man. Just… Oh man…
This is my favorite hc ever and I need a fic on this desperately
Tag: hp headcanons
Okay, so, re: the Marauder’s Map and the fact that legendary pranksters managed to lose it to the cranky old caretaker.
I haven’t seen anyone else mention this yet, but I always felt like the Marauders let Filch confiscate it. Like, it was toward the end of seventh year, they weren’t going to have much use for a map of Hogwarts soon, and they were all eighteen, basically still kids, so they weren’t exactly thinking, “I’m gonna save it and give it to my kid when he/she goes to Hogwarts!”
They don’t want their hard work to go to waste, though, so they decide they’ll pass it on to the next great prankster. But when they look around, they find no one that seems quite right for the job yet. Filch has been insisting for ages that there’s something up with that piece of paper and has never managed to successfully confiscate it since they created it.
But this one last time they let him. They put on a good show, trying to convince him to “Give it back, please!” But he refuses, locking it away. Meanwhile the Marauders walk off with a smile, remembering all the times they’ve snooped through Filch’s office while serving detention.
Someone else will surely do the same, and when they do, they’ll find an otherwise ordinary piece of parchment and wonder why on earth it’s been classified as “highly dangerous.” And when that happens, their legacy will continue.
Headcanon
helly-watermelonsmellinfellon:
Santa Claus is just a title. It was named after a Squib named Nicholas, who with the support of his magical family Head, began the habit of giving unfortunate children gifts every Winter. The religious muggles called him a ‘Saint’ and Saint Nicholas became a legend of kindness and giving, slowly twisting over the years into a grandfatherly figure set to bring joy to the world.
Now Santa Claus is just a job passed along every 25 years to either Wizard, Witch, or Squib. Whoever passes the current Santa’s expectations, becomes the new Santa and takes control of the entire business.
Santa’s Elves are in fact House-Elves dedicated to making muggle children their toys. And since Santa is the only magical being muggle children truly and faithfully believe in, no one says a thing about random presents appearing because there is no proof of how they got there, so they might as well let it be.
Meanwhile, the ICW is none too fond of the job of Santa Claus because they feel Santa is constantly breaching the Statue of Secrecy with their repetitive Time-Turner usage on 24 Dec, and the flying sleigh. Not that they can find Santa’s residence at the North Pole thanks to the Fidelius Charm and Unbreakable Vows taken by each Santa over the years. Still, strongly worded letters are sent often.
Many times has Santa been discouraged from continuing, but that does not stop them! Besides, if the reaction to Santa is anything to go by, then perhaps muggles are more accepting of magic than wizards are led to believe.
Santa Claus is truly a Living Legend.
I have this little Headcanon that Albus Potter climbed a tree in his fourth year to get Scorpius’ attention and when he tells his dad, Harry nearly collapses from laughing so hard
What are YOUR top 5 Marauder headcanons??
omg okay these aren’t in any particular order so
1. over the summer james and lily are hanging out at james’ house and sirius decides that he’s bored so he sabotages their hanging out aka their makeout sesh w/ peter and remus and is like lets do something so lily is like fine and takes them all to a coffee shop and sirius and james and peter are all like wtf is this shit it tastes horrible and remus is like guys it’s coffee and they all give him that look like why do you even know that remus and he just shrugs and says we tasted it in muggle studies and the others are just like whatever it tastes horrid and sirius tries to flirt with the barista so he asks her how that machine thingy over there works and she’s just like how the fuck do you not know how a coffee machine works and james puts like six packets of sugar in his coffee to try and make it taste better
2. christmas at james’ house and sirius waking james up super early and super excited because sirius loves christmas and peter and remus come around mid day and they just eat a lot of food and play quidditch and stay up late playing exploding snap and it’s just /so/ cute and ugh friendship feels
3. sirius using the word mudblood in their first year because he’s heard it so much around his house he doesn’t realize how bad it is and james just sitting him down and lecturing him about how he shouldn’t use the word and then listening and being v understanding as sirius explains how he didn’t realize it was that bad and just telling james about how everything is at his house and james automatically saying that sirius can come stay with him whenever he’d like to even though they’ve only been friends for like a week (bonus james and sirius constantly talking about sirius running away to james’ house because sirius hates his own so much and then obvi he actually does and just wow can i say favorite friendship in the entire world)
4. remus being really hesitant about becoming friends with sirius and james because it’s /sirius and james/ like why do they want to be friends with hand me down, socially awkward remus like remus is very reserved obvi and he’s not sure they’ll still want to be friends with him if they find out he’s a werewolf but james and sirius sort of force themselves into his life and they treat him just like they treat each other and eventually remus realizes that somewhere along the way they’ve become his best friends and just like aw aw aw more friendship feels ‘kay
5. roadtrip au oh my god like the four of them in a tiny car and and remus would drive of course and peter would be in charge of snacks while sirius and james would be in charge of music and entertainment and like them staying in crappy motels and having to share beds and staying up until four in the morning drinking fire whiskey and reminiscing about pranks they’ve pulled and old school days and like drive throughs where they order a ton of food and then the car smells like that food for the next six hours and remus complains about it and sirius suggests they get more food and them taking pictures at all the places they stop so that they can make a scrapbook of their trip when they get home like wow can you hear me crying -z
All my McGee and Potter headcanons, OK? (blame jess)
How many times did he and Sirius get pulled into her office, and rightfully so, and they’d do their song and dance and her lip would end up twitching and docking points or handing out detentions, depending, but then she’d just tell them to get out and leave her in peace for at least three days. But then as they were halfway out the door she’d James to hang back and ask him how such and such beater was shaping up and did they practice that maneuver because it was shaky in the last match and did she need him to pull extra practice time because she could certainly do that if he thought they needed it.
James would always ask, after she’d finished handing out punishments, if she wouldn’t mind giving them each a biscuit because they were better than even his mums.
Instead of giving him a month’s worth like he deserved for some shit he pulled in sixth year, she instead made him grade her work and tutor two third years b/c she was busy doing Order stuff (but couldn’t say that) and that extra responsibility was part of what helped him grow up and he just kept doing it throughout sixth and seventh year.
The moment McGonagall heard that Sirius was going to be staying with James for most of the summer hols at the end of the first year she wrote to Mrs. Potter and told her all the boys’ tricks for trying to weasel out of trouble and ended it with “Please respond in kind before term starts and let me know you’ve survived and I can expect in terms of any new tricks they’ve picked up. Best of luck to you, Mrs. Potter. Mineva.” She’d been writing all term about James’s behavior but this is when they transitioned from Head of House/troublemaker’s parent to allies against a common (adorable, mischievous) enemy. They developed a lovely kind of friendship and Minerva would randomly come up to James and tell him that his mum said hello or he ought to write home because his mum just sent her the most delicious fudge and mentioned she had extra. Mrs. Potter wrote to Minerva during 5th year Christmas hols and explained that Sirius was living with them. When Mrs. Potter passed away she came to the funeral. (DO YOU WANT ME TO WRITE THESE LETTERS B/C I WANT TO OK)
Listen I cannot tell you how many time she busted Lily and James for snogging ok. And they would have the common sense to look properly ashamed but no one believed it for a second.
She’d be lecturing in class and she sees James doodling on his parchment. She knows he aced this material months ago, and she hasn’t stopped lecturing, but he realizes that she’s staring at him and her eyebrow is raised. He knows he’s busted. So he picks his wand up and holds it over his shoulder and transfigures the vase on the floor behind him into something outlandish. Purely showing off, they both know, but it works and she continues on with her lecture.
He gets into a physical fight with a Slytherin. It wasn’t about Quidditch or anything like that. And he tries to win, but as it turns out he gets his arse kicked because two more joined up against him. She gives him a short, necessary lecture about being Head Boy while handing him a wet cloth to wipe the blood off his face. She stops her lecture because she knows it’s about the war and about Lily and he’s already embarrassed that he lost his shit and he is so frustrated at everything going on. He just unloads all his worries about the war and prejudiced assholes and she just lets him get it all. She tells him to keep his head down for three more months because he’s not doing himself or Lily any favors by starting fights now.
And then she welcomed him into the Order by telling him that now he could do something about it, properly, and that she was glad to have him on her side.
Basically she was a stern but protective momma bear ok.
And listen those boys fucking adored her and doted on her in order meetings and she would be all exasperated like will you boys ever grow up?
And at James & Lily’s wedding she told Lily that she was simultaneously proud of her and she told her, “Best of luck to you, Mrs. Potter.”
Stop talking and start doing: My Fallout Shelter for my Tumblr blog 